3/30/2009: Liquid "Diets"...

It is technically March 30, 2009. I say "technically" because to me it still seems like the 29th, Sunday night. However, since it's 2:45 AM, it is definitely March 30th. Today, March 30th, starts my one week liquid pre-operative diet. The purpose of the pre-op liquid diet is to reduce the size of the liver and the amount of fat in your abdominal cavity. It makes the organs more accessible and it also makes it easier to maneuver the tools and the scope once I'm on the operating table.

Truth be told, I'm absolutely terrified. Truth be told, I'm absolutely thrilled. Right now, currently, the terror is sort of out-weighing the ecstatic feeling, but it changes from minute to minute, I kid you not. Earlier tonight I kept thinking, "I can't believe my stomach is going to be normal-sized again." And then I thought, "Dur... Bariatric patients don't have normal-sized stomachs you dummy!"

But then a little epiphany came: This IS normal for me. A stomach the size of a chicken egg, only being able to eat three to six ounces at any given meal... that seems NORMAL to me now. It's funny because the more I talk about, the more excited I get. The more I think about it, the more terrified I get. I think it's because when I talk, I get to talk about all of the good things that I KNOW are going to come from this surgery. When I think, I can allow myself to think about the pain and the drugs and the hospital and the pain and the car ride home and the pain and the sitting in a chair for two weeks and the pain... see a common theme? I'm just afraid I'll be a complete wuss who screams her fool head off trying to get out of a chair like I was last time. Then again, I have about one hundred and thirty pounds LESS to hoist out of that chair then I did last time. Ha.

Tomorrow's menu is as follows (I'm only allowed three shakes, much to my chagrin. I would much rather it be a shake every two hours, but that'd be WAY too high in calories)

• Double scoop Dutch Chocolate Isopure
• Single scoop White Chocolate Whey Gourmet
• Double scoop Nectar Strawberry Kiwi
• Lean Cuisine for dinner, (I'm allowed per the surgeon's instructions since my BMI is under forty. However, the meal must be free of pasta, rice, or potatoes.)
• All of the water, Crystal Lite and tea my little heart desires

I seriously feel like a hollaback to days gone by when I would severely restrict my calories. That's hard for me because it gives me an unhealthy measure of control. I suppose for now, I'll "just do it" as Nike says. They said on my pre-op sheet that "last suppers" should be tempered. I won't be eating any solid food this week with the exception of a small, protein-filled brunch on Saturday. My friend Debby has invited me and I said yes without thinking about the diet and I don't want to be rude. Other than that, I'm looking forward to getting this done and over with, gotta say. :)