6 Days and Counting...

Technically, there are still seven days since it's not midnight yet, but I figure after eight o'clock, a day is pretty much over. At least right now. Once I'm in school, I think I'll extend that rule to ten o'clock. Homework is going to be interesting to have again since I've been out of school longer than everyone else in my class. And even when I was IN school, homework wasn't a priority like it should've been. So I guess what I'm saying will be interesting is having homework that I actually DO. Ha.

I got two more textbooks in the mail today. So that means so far I have Opus 1, MLA Handbook, and Christian Paths to Health and Wellness, which looks like an... interesting... text. It's what made me realize that public school textbooks are soooo 2008. ;-) It's also what made me realize that, oh yeah, I'm going to SCHOOL. With college, there's so much excess stuff you have to worry about, that it can start to seem like you'll be at a really long, extended summer camp. When the textbooks start arriving, it kind of slaps you back to reality like, oh yeah, I'm going to school. As in, like homework, projects, research papers, studying... SCHOOL.

I went to the library today, too, and I was glad I did. I've always loved make-up and playing around with it. I'm pretty good with it, too, and have done make-up looks for my friends for dates, formals... even prom once. I think when you're overweight you tend to focus on things other than clothes. Clothes shopping is depressing and makes you sad, and no normal person likes to feel sad, so I fixate on shoes, where I can always find a pair I adore in my size, and things like make-up and purses, that don't require a size to indulge in. Anyway, whether I'm fat or skinny, I really love the stuff so today when I was at the library, I picked up a copy of "The 5 Minute Face: The Quick and Easy Makeup Guide for Every Woman" by Carmindy, whose a celebrity makeup artist (she's made up Heidi Klum and Cindy Crawford amongst many others), and is the makeup artist for TLC's "What Not To Wear", a favorite show of mine.

This book is FABULOUS. Seriously, more good advice than so many of the other books I've picked up. I trust her, because I've seen her work. Some of the things she advises, you don't even think about. For example, as far as skin care goes. We all seem to get stuck in a "cleanser-toner-moisturizer" rut, but for toner, she recommends rose water from a health foods store! That's awesome! I just really like the book and all the pointers in it, and I'll probably take notes. Especially with her section on eyebrow-plucking, which I desperately need to do and am terrified of. It hurrrttttssss... Beauty is pain, I guess.

I'm still on my hunt for a good devotional book that can keep my interest. It's really hard to do, because I get bored so easily and distracted so easily that so many of the devotional books I attempt to make my way through get tedious and then I quit, which isn't good. My prayer journal is still adorable, though. It makes me feel all Indie-cool. Haha. Now all I need is a knit-beret, a pair of skinny jeans, and a Starbucks, all of which are not hard to find. Well... maybe the skinny jeans. They're okay for some girls, but I would never, EVER wear them. I considered it once, but then I thought of the actual name of the jeans and figured I'd forego it for my own sake. I'd love ten minutes with Stacy and Clinton from What Not to Wear so they could tell me how to pick the perfect pair of jeans.

Gosh... where did all of this vanity come from? Haha. Makeup, jeans, eyebrow plucking... all of it is a quest to present this image that seems so put-together, flawless, perfect, whatever you want to call it. We try and portray to the world something that never seems true for anyone. We like to make the world believe that our lives aren't falling down around us, that we really do have it all figured out. It's funny to me when I see those girls who seem so confident and know it's all feigned. Really, they're the most insecure girls in the world. And all they want is to be loved. I used to be like that. Sometimes I still AM like that. What was that song by Out of Eden? "Looking for love in all the wrong places//just to find someone who can erase the hurt". That was me. I looked for love and comfort from men, but they're flawed and imperfect. I looked for love and comfort from a blade, but all it did was unravel me, string by string. I still look for comfort in food, but it ends up hurting me so much.

God is perfect love. God is perfect comfort. God is perfect. Human beings can't understand perfection, we don't know what that is because imperfection is at the core of our being. Until we reach glory, we will never understand God's perfection... we can't even begin to fathom it. But from experience... you don't have to understand something to give your life to it. That goes for more than just God. I didn't understand why I "had" to cut myself to alleviate the stressors in my life, but I know that it controlled my life for a very long time. You don't have to understand something to let it have control, and you don't have to understand to love. Love reaches deeper than understanding or comprehension and goes further than our petty emotions. Especially perfect love. We'll never be able to love perfectly -or do anything perfectly, for that matter- so isn't it great that we have a God whose very nature is perfection?

What if I could speak all languages of humans and of angels? If I did not love others, I would be nothing more than a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. What if I could prophesy and understand all secrets and all knowledge? And what if I had faith that moved mountains? I would be nothing, unless I loved others. What if I gave away all that I owned and let myself be burned alive? I would gain nothing, unless I loved others. Love is kind and patient, never jealous, boastful, proud, or rude. Love isn't selfish or quick tempered. It doesn't keep a record of wrongs that others do. Love rejoices in the truth, but not in evil. Love is always supportive, loyal, hopeful, and trusting. Love never fails! Everyone who prophesies will stop, and unknown languages will no longer be spoken. All that we know will be forgotten. We don't know everything, and our prophecies are not complete. But what is perfect will someday appear, and what isn't perfect will then disappear. When we were children, we thought and reasoned as children do. But when we grew up, we quit our childish ways. Now all we can see of God is like a cloudy picture in a mirror. Later we will see him face to face. We don't know everything, but then we will, just as God completely understands us. For now there are faith, hope, and love. But of these three, the greatest is love. 1 Corinthians 13