Spread the sunshine!

I'm deciding to be positive tonight/tomorrow. My mom changed her mind yet again and we're going BACK to Ohio for the last two weeks before school starts. I'm okay with that. She made the decision without me pushing or telling her to, without my dad's influence or my sister's. She made it all by herself. If it's what she wants, and I truly believe it is, than I support her. It's just confusing to me because my parents are supposed to be filing for divorce soon and we're leaving tomorrow and yet tonight, my mom is sleeping in the same bed in the same room with the door closed with my dad. Do couples who are split up and planning divorce DO that? I thought once people decided to split, it kind of put the kibash on that kind of thing? Then again, what do I know?

The good in my life far outweighs the bad. I mean, yes my parents are filing for divorce, but I've been seeing the best in it and not the worst. I think it'll be good for both of my parents. And the whole thing with "the boy" as I refer to him, will blow over. I know it will. But I'm going to college and I have a brand new laptop and tons of financial aid and my grandparents are paying for my books and supplies and my sister is buying me cleaning stuff and giving me a Meijer gift card. I'm so blessed to have the family that I do, and I trust that this year is going to be an amazing one. I mean, I'd be lying if I said that there wasn't a slight fear that I'm going to crack under the pressure. I just have this feeling like I have the CHOICE whether to "crack" or not and there are always things I can do to make sure that that doesn't happen.

I still have yet to figure out what to do about protein and vitamins and other things like that. I might ask for a BE gift certificate for Christmas, which would be a smart thing. BE gift card, iTunes gift card... sounds like a good Christmas to me! I told my mom that I hope the entire family knows that they're getting SAU gear for Christmas when we were at the bookstore together. Ha. That place is PACKED with all kinds of crap with the SAU logo on it. And I want my parents to be proud and wear it well!

Tomorrow's going to be a long day. With a 3-hour car ride, I don't expect it not to be long. Plus it's gonna be pretty hot according to the weather report and our car doesn't have air conditioning. I don't usually wear just tank-tops, but it looks like that's the way it's gonna have to be tomorrow! I can't wait to see my baby dog, Shiloh. My border collie. I miss him sooo much. We left him down in Ohio when mom thought she was coming and staying here in Michigan so that he'd have a stable home that could provide things for him that we just don't have the money for. Now I get to spend two weeks with him before school starts and I'm SO excited for that! He means a lot to me, that dog. He's gotten me through some rough nights. Not as many as my previous baby boy, Cujo, (may he rest in peace), but enough for me to love him a LOT.

SAU is in THIRTEEN DAYS. It's mind boggling to me. I'm using that to focus right now. To zero in on what it is I want and need and have to do. I've never been one for focus or drive, so this is all new territory to me, but I love the feeling of putting my head down on the pillow at night and knowing that I did something that day to take one step towards the goals I've set for myself. I'm afraid of becoming so future-minded that I forget to live in the here and now, but my roommate seems to be pretty good at living in the moment without losing your head, so maybe I can take a cue from her.

And now I'm so tired that I'm starting to lose control of basic skills like holding my head up, so I think I'm headed off to bed. I like blogging late at night, it seems to be a sort of release that's better than anything else I've tried. Better than cutting or the eating disorder or smoking. It's great. I ramble, but like I said... not many people, if any, are reading this, so I can totally ramble and release, right? And now my eyes are starting to force themselves shut so its REALLY off to bed. See you later today, cyberland!