Coo-coo Bananas!

That, by the way, is my new phrase for whenever something is to crazy for me to say, "That's CRAZAY!" Ha. And I may or may not have totally stolen it from Mannie Santos from Degrassi: The Next Generation. So if it's copyrighted, then I'm... well, yeah. Anyway. That's what these past two weeks were. Coocoo bananas, I'm telling you. It was the ultimate rollercoaster ride of emotions. God used these last two weeks to show me that whenever I try and take the wheel of my life back from Him, I do myself the biggest disservice. And that's an understatement. I saw things in myself this past week that literally scared the sin out of me. Not kidding. Besides having a panic attack, which is something I haven't done in a very long time and really don't feel like repeating again, I treated my mom like absolute crap, which is something she didn't need. It's done and over with and forgiven and everything, but I learned an extremely important lesson. God always uses our mistakes as lessons. He never beats us down with them or berates us, instead He uses them to guide us towards Him. And, as I told my mother this week, the refining process is never an easy one. It's painful, and we usually go through it stamping our feet and throwing fits in true three-year-old fashion, but the beautiful ending it always produces is totally worth it.

And you know, sometimes I call it being broken. Sometimes I call it refining. But sometimes, it's more than that. You know, gold is refined to make it closer to perfection, but it's also refined to make it stronger. Every time gold is refined, it lasts that much longer. It's old and worn and beaten, and when it's refined, it's like new again. And the entire process just keeps happening over and over again, and every time the process is repeated, the gold's worth and value increase because it becomes more pure. Isn't that an awesome analogy to think of?

So these past two weeks were difficult. I didn't give the praise to God, even in the midst of everything that was going on, and that hurts me to say that. He was waiting patiently for me these past two weeks, I think, to have that "Ohhhh... I see" moment. When those moments do come, they're thrilling and awesome and totally give you a spring-ahead on this walk of life. I have one week until my life changes forever. Drastically changes. College is no small thing. The more I look at it, though, the more I realize that God has kept me and harbored me... for such a time as this. And that makes my heart sing.

"...Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." Phil. 1:6